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Ruminating

 Today started out really bad.  Waking up at 4am and not being able to get back to sleep was only the beginning.  I have a terrible habit of ruminating about past events and decisions - berating myself for not making better choices and decisions. It's not OCD, because I know exactly what that is and contrary to the general public opinion that glibly throws the term around, I use it carefully and with concern for those who genuinely  suffer from OCD. Nope, this is just a really bad habit that I find myself doing religiously.  And I want to stop. I want to move on from perceived slights (even intentional slights, I might add) and I don't want to become a bitter and twisted person. After a positively horrendous start to the day, I got stuck in the loop of regret and so I acted. I googled 'how to stop ruminating'.  Now, let me just pause and say, I am the first to ask, 'where/who is your source?' when my kids quote the "all-knowing" internet as a source - ...
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First, a warning

 This blog is completely self indulgent. The only reason I made this a blog and not a diary entry is for like-minded people who might think they are alone out there. I want them to know they're not. This is for quiet people who smile and nod when people are speaking bullshit. For those of you who leave idiots to confirm just how idiotic they are. Just because I don't call you out on lying, doesn't mean I believe you. So, here's what you need to know: I am an introvert, I am in the creative field, I am over 50, I have a difficult marriage, I have kids. My journey has taken me to religion and away from it.  I think that's enough to go on for now. My first thought is hiding things. And by this I don't mean the horrendous act of posting only the good bits of life on social media... I mean the way families and couples hide things.  I heard of an incident years ago: a man purchased a house in a wealthy neighbourhood and it left him in massive debt and broke. He decora...
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