Ruminating

 Today started out really bad. 

Waking up at 4am and not being able to get back to sleep was only the beginning. 

I have a terrible habit of ruminating about past events and decisions - berating myself for not making better choices and decisions. It's not OCD, because I know exactly what that is and contrary to the general public opinion that glibly throws the term around, I use it carefully and with concern for those who genuinely  suffer from OCD. Nope, this is just a really bad habit that I find myself doing religiously. 

And I want to stop. I want to move on from perceived slights (even intentional slights, I might add) and I don't want to become a bitter and twisted person.

After a positively horrendous start to the day, I got stuck in the loop of regret and so I acted. I googled 'how to stop ruminating'. 

Now, let me just pause and say, I am the first to ask, 'where/who is your source?' when my kids quote the "all-knowing" internet as a source - especially when they come up with dodgy notions. 

For today, I found these 3 steps really helpful in talking myself out of the frustration of punishing myself for immature decisions or just plain stupid decisions that I made a long time ago and can't change.

1) Quiet your inner critic

How on earth do you do this? My inner critic does not sleep and is really good at keeping track of my imperfections. 

I reminded myself that mistakes and seemingly 'bad' choices do not make me bad, weak or flawed. I reminded myself that the past is unchangeable. Going over all my decisions won't change anything. Thinking about what I should have done or said won't change anything either. I reminded myself not to put myself down. I would NEVER do this to a friend, why am I doing this to myself?

2)Focusing on positive changes

Instead of focusing on what you don't want to do or say, focus on what you DO want to say and do. Replace the negative ruminating thought with a positive experience or memory. And practice doing this straight away. It takes practice, don't give up.

3)Changing directions

Redirecting ruminating thoughts is possible by grounding yourself in here and now.

Focus on what your senses are experiencing: can you hear birds or the wind outside? What can you see from where you are? Have a sip of water and try and describe the taste. How do you feel? Are you hot or hungry? 

Another distraction for me is to name palette colours when I look around me: the wall looks like yellow ochre, the floor is raw sienna and raw umber.

You get the idea.

Today, this worked for me and it shifted my entire day to a much better outcome. I still feel a bit traumatised from the morning from hell, but I can see that a bit of effort on my part helped me to stop the ruminating thoughts from crushing my motivation and my ability to focus. Especially on something other than my weaknesses.